Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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