Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
