He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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