it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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