The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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