so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
