I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
