Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
