I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
