so that wasnt chicken after all
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
