I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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