Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
