we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
