Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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