Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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