We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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