I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
