i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?