He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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