I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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