Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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