I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
