it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
