Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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