If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
