I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
