I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize