im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
