i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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