90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
