so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
