So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
