Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
