ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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