@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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