By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
