What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
