I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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