he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
