I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
