She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
