I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
