i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
