I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
