I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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