She is in my trunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
