I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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