I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
high people should be assigned attendants
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
