return my video game
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
