I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
