wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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