All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
