Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
they're like a gay fantastic four
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
