Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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