She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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