My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We don't watch enough power rangers
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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