Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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