Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
