there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
