I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
