Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize