happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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