Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm too high and old for this...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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