there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
