dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
