the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize